My little man, Mummy loves you.
X
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
You come at a price I'm not willing to pay
I finished work on Saturday night wanting to kill someone. With John passing and the bittersweet emotions that were running through my head as I previously had posted, top it off with having to deal with the rantings of R when she was off her head, it definitely was a little too much. As I watched her throw herself around and flop herself over my boss’s lap, smacking people across the head, I felt like I was watching everything in slow motion.
And then it clicked to me.
I am not invincible and I cannot save everyone.
Sure I give everyone that advice, I tell people that it is ok to let someone down once in a while, its ok to not always be there for someone. I mean we can’t be everyone and everywhere 24/7. But the rule never really applied to me, I was the exception in my head. I could save everybody.
No I cannot. And I accept that. Well, I am trying to.
So, all I wanted to do on Saturday night after work was to go home to bed. Of course, instead I went out dancing. Top nights.
On my way home, I was dropping off Troy, my bar manager, banging guy, love him to bits. Talking about life, talking about price. How some people were just not worth the price.
I guess the hard part was pretending. Pretending that I didn’t know, only because I really loved these 2 guys. There were such rad dudes to me, the hurt that I could see on their faces.
And then he said to me
“ It isn’t my job to take care of people’s feelings, I’m there to make the place make money.”
How selfish.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Extreme
I caught up with my good friend Lexi today at Workshop bar. It’s always good to see her, she is pretty much the only other person that I find that will get me at my wave length. My last week has been pretty tough. From adjusting to full time work and more, a good friend passing away, passing all my subjects, getting offered a PHD scholarship, new jobs, sleeping with my new boss...Life was pretty full on, even for me.
The hard part was bouncing from one extreme to the other. From John passing to feeling the relief of graduation to that being stripped from me when they mess up the dates of my graduation (arghhh).If this is what it is like to be an adult then I really have to buy myself some insurance. I was an absolute WRECK the last week. I must have looked like some sort of drugged up junkie just on a high and then crash real quick without an warning. My day of rest on Sunday was amazing though, it’s good when I sleep, I feel that because I don’t do it too often enough that my body absolutely appreciates it. And I do understand and give in when I feel that I absolutely need it. I woke up feeling a lot better, but it wasn’t till Monday that when I came home and finally accepted that John was gone, and cried, that I feel somewhat like myself again.
I guess it’s also important to not let work consume my life, even though it is the bulk of my life, I cannot neglect my writing (which has always been my saviour to many obstacles) and to always try and keep goals in focus.
On Saturday, I agreed to meet strangers in a stranger’s apartment and pose for photos. Profile shots to be blown up and stuck all around Melbourne’s alleyways. It really is not as creepy as it sounds, what a cool concept and I was so happy to have been part of it. How it all even began was a little bit random in itsel. Some guy added me on fb and private msged me the details, I watched the video, thought it was cool and called him and voila.
Kids, don’t think this is ok to do with every stranger. Because I was probably the lucky one out of the lot. Plus, I took a friend, and checked out the guys profile like there was no tomorrow.
Simon, the person whose apartment that we shot it at, had an awesome story to pass on about his father. That I will save for another post in itself, as it deserves recognition as a short story.
Hope everyone is doing well and taking care of each other.
The hard part was bouncing from one extreme to the other. From John passing to feeling the relief of graduation to that being stripped from me when they mess up the dates of my graduation (arghhh).If this is what it is like to be an adult then I really have to buy myself some insurance. I was an absolute WRECK the last week. I must have looked like some sort of drugged up junkie just on a high and then crash real quick without an warning. My day of rest on Sunday was amazing though, it’s good when I sleep, I feel that because I don’t do it too often enough that my body absolutely appreciates it. And I do understand and give in when I feel that I absolutely need it. I woke up feeling a lot better, but it wasn’t till Monday that when I came home and finally accepted that John was gone, and cried, that I feel somewhat like myself again.
I guess it’s also important to not let work consume my life, even though it is the bulk of my life, I cannot neglect my writing (which has always been my saviour to many obstacles) and to always try and keep goals in focus.
On Saturday, I agreed to meet strangers in a stranger’s apartment and pose for photos. Profile shots to be blown up and stuck all around Melbourne’s alleyways. It really is not as creepy as it sounds, what a cool concept and I was so happy to have been part of it. How it all even began was a little bit random in itsel. Some guy added me on fb and private msged me the details, I watched the video, thought it was cool and called him and voila.
Kids, don’t think this is ok to do with every stranger. Because I was probably the lucky one out of the lot. Plus, I took a friend, and checked out the guys profile like there was no tomorrow.
Simon, the person whose apartment that we shot it at, had an awesome story to pass on about his father. That I will save for another post in itself, as it deserves recognition as a short story.
Hope everyone is doing well and taking care of each other.
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