One day

One day, I will tell u everything. How much I hate you. How many tears you have put me through. Every day you open ur mouth to me, I feel like Im getting stabbed over and over again. 

Someone told me today that you do it unintentionally. That you care about me and its just that you dont know how to express it.  I said to her. 

Let me tell u something darling, if someone cares about u, they wouldnt hurt you. They wouldnt put u down. They wouldnt make u feel so worthless and incapable of achieving anything u set your mind to. They wouldnt exploit your weaknesses. They wouldnt be the cause of u over the toilet puking everything u consume day after day. They wouldnt make u lie to ur closest people because of their actions. They wouldnt be the cause of panic attacks or self suffocation from the world. Anxiety, insomania. Mad hours of cramming textbook words into ur head.  They wouldnt humiliate u in front of ur friends. They wouldn't rub mistakes in ur face. They would actually take into account ur history before even thinking about hurting u.  They wouldnt have double standards. 

She asked me if that was the case, why I was still there. Why hadn't i just said fuck u, ur a terrible person, I never want to see ur face again. 

I told her because I was a weak person and I may just be going through a phase. Probably due to stress and tad hormonal. PMS always works. 

Im not weak. Im not stressed. Im not going through a phase. And I never suffer from PMS to the point where I think the whole world is against me.

I am just biding my time. Because when the time is right. I will hurt you. I wouldnt even think twice. I will tear u down and watch u cry. Make u feel worthless and alone. I will ruin u.